RTOG: Wolfchild (SNES, 1992)

     Hey, little bro. I know what's got you down. You're at an awkward time in your life. Your loins are atwitter with all these new feelings and you're not quite sure what to do with them. I know, you wanna be a ladies' man, but you just don't know how. Well, let me introduce you to something that helped me when I was your age.

"Yeah, so this is me."

      It's called Wolfchild, and after you're done with it you'll see that you don't need to be a ladies' man. No, you can be something more. You can be a man's man.

"Oh. Hi. I'm just climbing these stairs."

     Look at our hero here. The pinnacle of masculinity. Notice the flowing locks of moon-silver hair. Look at  his stance, straddling the world between his meaty hams. And check out the open shirt. It says, "Here I am wind. Graze my chiseled pecks." As you guide our hero through his adventure, you might just make a few discoveries of your own. (But don't tell mom!) You, too, can be a wolfchild.

"Unleash your animal! Do what feels good!"

     So let me know how it turns out. I've gotta go take my mustache for a walk.

"HETERO-PUNCH!!!"